My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
