remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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