very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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