I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Everything about him screamed your future.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
