Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
