I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
