You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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