I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
