I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
