so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
