she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
