Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
