This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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