We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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