Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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