and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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