He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Hippo gnu deer
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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