I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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