in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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