I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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