honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
