Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
