My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
