you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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