Apparently you make a good broom.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
