I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
