Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
drinking out of a sandbucket again
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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