The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
