Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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