Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
