there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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