I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
