The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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