Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
