well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize