If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
How naked do you want me to be?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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