Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
