Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
