Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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