I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Do vagina's smell?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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