Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
should my penis look like a turkey
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Can you bring me the toilet please
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
