I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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