your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The air was thick with penises
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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