i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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