My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
