She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
