just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
