I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
