drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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