You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
