I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
